What do you think about when you hear the word exam? For now it pretty much feels like “ proving my Self worth ”.It so happens, that in this modern day and age exam tends to prove the worth of a man. If you do well in it, the society seems to deem you as being smart, your parent’s think you are going to make it in life and you earn the respects of your siblings. But then!! Does Exam really prove the smartness of a man? Does it prove that who does well in an exam is going to make it in life and is genuinely a good person? Does it say that a guy who passes can solve a problem better, thinking on his feet?
Well, for now, the RCSC exam sends shivers down my neck. It’s not the idea of failing that scares me but rather the idea that I am going to lose my own confidence. For once in my life, I want to commit myself to something and get a good result at it. It is like a passage way for believing in myself, to know that when I think of something that I will be able to do it. And I really want to do this :) but then, that needs studying.
I have never, never been a good student my whole life .I used to plan my whole timetable on what I was going to study but of course it would always be put off for later. I remember one night when I had my main exams the next day; I wanted to stay up late studying. I decided to do it after dinner. I was eating hurriedly but then I saw some good part going on in a corny movie on TV. So, then I was stuck till 1 am until the whole movie finished. You know how a guy’s mentality works; it’s just how we are screwed. I somehow managed to pass though.
Well that’s that, I have never really worked hard at anything in my life. People say I am a smart guy, maybe that’s why I get average scores, even without trying. I have heard somewhere that you should never tell someone that they are smart; they will think it is so and never really study. May be, in some sort of way they really are, that’s why they are out having fun while the rest are struggling with studying. Who knows what might happen tomorrow?
Well even though the exam is like 15 days away, I can’t really study .I study for may be ten minutes a day. Sometimes I end up being depressed for days thinking I can’t commit to anything. Other days I just try to bring myself up thinking its all good and the results will be great .
I find that it really helps to play sports where your whole mind is focused on the game and you don’t think about anything. Even drinking helps, It relaxes your mind and lets go of everything. Well for now I hope everyone else is having a good time partying and not studying.
Is it really possible to get good results without studying? I have always heard that if u really believe in something, then anything is possible. I am still struggling to bring myself to that mindset. That, I will top the exam without studying. With the royal marriage going on, everyone is outside having fun but no!! not me. I don’t feel like doing anything with the exam anxiety at the back of my mind. I can’t get any peace. For now I just relax at home. There is some kind of satisfaction just staying home even if I don’t study, something I can’t explain.
Here is a list of activities I tried today in disguise of studying…
Got up,had tea ,,took hours to get a breakfast…..my cousin sis came ,, she wanted to sing ,I had software so we tried something ,,came out really bad ,,,,,call from friends who wanted to go out drinking refused everything as I was very serious about studying ,,,messaged someone saying I couldn’t go out because I didn’t feel like it ,she didn’t mind……felt anxious so started baking a cake ,,tried to make it good as my sister made it day before ,,,forgot to put baking powder came out like some sort of tire…..got into bath tub thought for an hour on how I will study and what I will complete ,,got out of shower…felt anxious made dinner for family ,,the baking got me in the mood ,,I never cook…… had dinner …….watched x factor, amazed at the singing ,,went out for a ciggy,,,,,came back ,,thought for 20 minutes y I couldn’t study ,,I think I have add ,,tht attention disease….. took out my notes studied for 5 minutes .. went to my sis gi room and got a movie ….
That was my day.I hate it when my friends say ,,this guy must be studying a lot ,,,I wish I was but then I am trying believing for now ,,believing I will top the exam. So don’t be surprised if u hear my name in the results,,,,or even if I end up not believing and failing ,,;later I ll try and believe that everything will be fine and try to own self respect in my head ……… For now gotta go to bed and plan out my studying time table for tomorrow.
